Very Tired, Very Sad , Very Down And Very Quiet

                      It will be a week today , since my second dad, my late husband's father ,Gary had died.  Its really hard to believe, its been a week already, I still feel off.  I told my doctor today, she asked me what happened to him, I wish I understood all of it myself.  I know the body can only take so much, I believe it was everything together and then with his toe being taken off, in a couple days , he's gone.  Pat asked me what I thought of the funeral , I told her how I felt and how we all were treated.  I'm like my folks, I don't have to go up there anymore.  I get the same excuses from her and Kristy, the heck with it.  Th kids an I have had enough.  Dad deserved better than the excuse "I didn't have time to add the other grandkids or his family to the pictures." I have had friends of mine who have loved their husbands and have dealt with losing them with only a day  to prepare a service like I did.  Jeff's service really could have been better, but most of them were done to remember their husband's life and done well, I may add, did that mean they didn't care? Of course not, if anything they cared alot because their lives meant something to them to illustrate it from their birth to the families they raised.  She , Kristy and Kristy's husband had almost four days to organize.  Pat has two walls filled with pictures in their home, I even offered to help and still, I get "I didn't notice" I got told it was the funeral home's fault.....the more excuses she comes up with the more I believe that  they didn't care, didn't think I'd show up because of the rotten treatment we got or they knew they screwed up and won't admit it... she claimed it wasn't deliberate..it just seems so..just tired of fighting with her, been putting up with her way of thinking too long, I know everything she would come up with to reason it away,  ...what the use..all I know is that the kids and I aren't going to go up there for Christmas..I will figure another time to go see Jeff's and Gary's grave....oh well, all I can say is she better hope when its her turn to go, she gets treated better than Gary did..
  I hope Doctor Silverman gets feeling better and I want to thank all those who have cared about us here and Schizz I know you are going through a time in your life remembering your loss..I know you loved your mom and dad enough to remember them with love.  I am thinking about all of you, Love you all too!