What Is Causing Extra Stress ?

         I know that maybe those who care about me are wondering what maybe be adding the extra stress?  Well recently there have been a few.  My late husband's father is still not really improving much which bothers  the kids and I.  I am always worrying about my daughter's battle with Anorexia, even though she is doing SO much better, its the fear of her back-sliding.  My son's learning how to drive of course is going to worry me.  All of those I can't control, they are going to be part of my life as the family grows older and health issues arise.  I always long to have that certain someone in Amesbury to help me through it as he has always been the only one that calms my fears and brings encouragement to me and my family.
         Over the past few months, my sister-in-laws true Identity has crept into view.  Her contempt for her parents and especially for her father just was the tip of the iceberg.   Ever since my husband's death, she has been resentful to my kids and I.  Always acting out whenever we are around.  Her mom told me recently that she wishes that her and my late husband would have apologized to each other before his death. When Jeff was placed in I.C.U,  I had to watch the children because at that time they were too young to go into the room with me to see their daddy.  I had no choices as my family lived 90 minutes away.  My sister-in-law ,her then boyfriend and his mother would go to my late husband's room and then call me to tell me on his condition.  Well it would upset me.  Of course I was told that he responded to them but when I was there, there wasn't any movement or sound.  His heart rate remained the same.
          I don't know what she was hoping for whether she was waiting for my late husband to say he was sorry to her or not, but obviously it didn't happen.  I felt relieved that before Jeff lapsed into a coma that we both told said " I  love you" to each other.  The day before he was placed in I.C.U, his parents, the children and I went to see him and the kids did give their dad a hug. Jeff's sister never bothered to show up at that point, so if she had anything to regret, it was not by my doing.
     Its amazing as I think back about the months before Jeff died, how his sister tried to start up trouble and what she felt was owed to her.  Constantly jealous over her nieces and nephews was just plain silly in my mind but there was nothing that I could do about that.  After Jeff's death, moving down to be around my family didn't go over well with his family and I got pressured into coming back to the point that I was told that since the kids and I were living here that none of the inheritance would come to the kids.  This event happened  in front of his sister and her husband and the kids and I.  It was very hurtful , and his sister got what she wanted.
     I had been able to let all of that go and up til now, I was hoping that I was wrong with the motivation behind it all until her father's health started to get worse.  It almost like she doesn't care and what is disturbing is her attitude about it.  Her parents bend over backwards to please her, she demands, they do.  Her and I got into it a month back as it had been building, she more or less revealed her true-self and how she put-up with my family for the sake of her folks.  
     Now, her other brother and his girlfriend since 1997 are getting married on June 4th in the same church that my late husband and I were married in.  That really doesn't bother half as much as dealing with the whole atmosphere  surrounding it.  My mom is afraid of us walking into something and doesn't want us to go.     We were invited but apprehension is eating away at me, the kids and I don't want to go.  With the way we have been treated this past year, it wouldn't be good on any of us.  My mom is right, I know this in my heart.  She gets concerned for my health with the depression and anxiety.
    Since 2007, the kids and I have gone up to Willard, Ohio to see Jeff's grave and his family.  Something deep inside of me is telling me that it has to stop now.   Its time to just to let go.  I know Jeff is in a better place and safe from all the hurt.  I know he would want the kids and me to go on and be happy, the way it should be and not attached to Willard, Ohio anymore.